Anger is a short madness, but bitterness is anger that has boiled, simmered, and then found so unpalatable that it has been thrown into the deep freeze of our unconscious psyches .The messy love triangle of Mimi, Stevie J and Joseline is becoming even more chaotic in VH1’s docu-soap “Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta.” It has helped turn a spotlight on the bitterness that women like Mimi harbor in their spirits.
Bitterness is all over this season.
Bitterness is a crusty disease that grows on unprocessed anger. It is particularly dangerous for us as we age, because many therapists, including myself, believe that it plays a part in heart disease as well. The heart is both a physical and emotional organ that reflects how we treat it. Most of us are trying to exercise away the excesses that have deposited themselves as fat—but what are we doing with all that un-dealt with pain in our hearts? With the years of frozen anger?
First of all, it needs to be acknowledged. Yes, it’s there. Maybe you call it disillusionment with your career, or maybe you say it’s how your sister cheated you out of part of your inheritance, or maybe it’s that romantic love never quite came through for you. You may have the regret of the ‘enabler’ or the one who had to sacrifice a large part of her life for another. Maybe you blame someone or blame yourself. What matters most though, is the story we tell ourselves about it.
VH1’s Love & Hip Hop whether scripted or not is filled with bitterness.Bitterness is often a characteristic of being personally unfulfilled. Think about it.
A bitter woman
- Has rigid and narrow parameters for what is acceptable
- Has “control issues”—if things vary from their acceptable parameters, they will inflict some form of emotional punishment.
- Grabs for positions of authority
- Views their area of responsibility as a position of unquestionable authority
- Needs to be “in the know” and makes sure they are aware (and approving) of all discussions and decisions
- Works behind the scenes (and at times publicly) to influence others
- Manipulates and pressures others to comply with their agenda
- Uses the tongue to divide when a coalition forms that is not under their influence
- Is not easily detected; may be the individual you least expect
To spend less moments in bitterness and anger and more in happiness and peace of mind matters.When you are bitter, you believe that someone else has the problem. Not you. Truth be told, bitterness can destroy relationships. You can never take back words once they are said.
As difficult as life is for those in relationships with bitter people, it’s way worse for the person that swallowed the bitter pill. Life for the afflicted individual can’t really begin until they find it in their heart to let go of what’s been eating away at them.
If you’ve been dealing with a bitter person, and you really care, try mustering the courage to lovingly, thoughtfully and firmly confront the bitterness head on