The holidays are approaching, and it’s worth taking a moment to troubleshoot any couple’s problems before they even start. Relationships suffer a great deal during the holidays.  Here, some relationship experts give us some insight and actionable tips on how not to burn it all down between us and our spouse.  It is important to keep the focus on supporting your partner during this season.

Here are some smart steps to keep your marriage healthy this season

1- Agree to a Regular Check-In Moment – Set a time each week or every day with your partner, whether it’s going over your plans in the morning, a private midday chat or a before-bed heart-to-heart. In the busy holiday season, this mutual temperature check is more important than ever.

2-  Use Touch To Support One Another.  – When the family is gathered together at a holiday meal, voicing opinions you or your loved one  finds objectionable,  discreetly put  your hand on your partner ‘s  knee and give it a gently squeeze. Partners can do the same by  placing  his/her hand on the back which relays the message:  I hear what’s going on, and you can vent all you want later when we’re alone.

3.Manage Expectations-Most couples have high expectations over the holidays. They want extra closeness and bonding, they want snow and joy and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. They also dream of families getting along and partners holding hands. Try getting your expectations under control and know that the stress of holidays can mean you might feel let down.”

4. Plan Together Time – Make sure you invest time in planning small intimate dinners and date nights with your partner alone in between the big social holidays. Make them romantic; light candles, drink mulled cider or hot cocoa and make out in front of the yule log on your laptop.

5. Be Open About Traditions and Rituals– Does your wife prefer hanging one tinsel strand at a time, while your family tradition has you throwing handfuls of the stuff on the tree? Consider trying it her way, or maybe skip the shiny stuff altogether in your household. And if the opening-gifts tradition of one person opens one gift, then the next person opens a gift, etc., seems too slow for you, think of it as meditation. Remember, the rituals of holiday time are made-up anyway, and differ from family to family, with no exact right way to do them.

Take it one step at a time and enjoy the season.