Lady Mae is a blind fixer. We saw her in action with the Deacon’s board. We saw her in action with her father. She is the perfect example of what happens when ‘fixing goes wrong.
In an attempt to protect their children from experiencing life’s disappointments and sorrows the sadness can overwhelm you. It has its roots in an unfulfillable desire —unfulfillable because no one’s life is without difficulties and no one is happy all the time. In fact, this intense desire on my part for them to always be happy was a source of unhappiness in my own life.
Not only is no one happy all the time, but people, including our loved ones, need to learn on their own to develop skills for coping well with life’s inevitable ups and downs. The fixer actions may have done the children a disservice.
It’s exhausting being a fixer is. It takes a lot of energy to always be worried and anxious about how others are faring in life, especially because there’s always something that could use fixing!
Trying to fix my own life so that all of my experiences will be pleasant is as fruitless as trying to fix others’ lives to be that way. None of us can always get what we want, and no one’s life is smooth sailing all the time.
If you recognize yourself as a fixer—whether it be with family, friends, people at work, or even yourself—you might craft some equanimity phrases of your own to speak silently to yourself.
Try using words that speak directly to the person you’re thinking of: “I love you and we can chat whenever you want, but I cannot fix your relationship with your girlfriend.” Or: “I love you, but I cannot solve your problems at work.”